i love watching my innocent friends slowly transform into beautiful horny butterflies as we get older
Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
Never lose a chance of saying a kind word.
Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, you must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.
Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there’s no room for the present at all.
The real issue in the Christian community was that it was conditional. You were loved, but if you had questions, questions about whether the Bible was true or whether America was a good country or whether last week’s sermon was good, you were not so loved.
I have so much to read for my human sex & evolution class. It’s such an overwhelming amount of information. I really wish I was spending an entire semester in this class.
In other news, I went to my psychologist today to try out a new medicine and I also got a whole bunch of vitamins and I really hope things start to turn around emotionally.
Ive been learning how to deal with this for about five years of my life. I have gotten so far with how I cope. I can get out of bed and go out with friends because I know that while I cannot control my emotions, I can control my actions. Failing school is not an option. Laying in bed for days on end is not an option. Not working is not an option. So I cope the best I can and control all that I can for the good of those around me and myself. But just because I can function in society does not mean I am okay. I am not okay. And getting out there and being around people and getting out of bed is still difficult. Keeping a house, a healthy relationship, friendships, and good grades is exhausting and some days I need to lay in bed all day and let myself feel all the things I don’t let myself feel. And that is not giving in and that is not giving up and that is not pathetic. I am so so tired of people thinking and assuming that I give in to this sickness because I try so hard for them. Not for myself. I dont want to feel this way, of course, but I want to get better because of the negative effects it has on the relationships with the people in my life. I go to the doctor and seek counseling and get out of bed and watch my temper and hang out with friends because I love the people in my life and it’s not fair that my sickness becomes something they, too, have to deal with. I just wish that the people I love would realize how I hard I try for them and how often I put on a brave face and that sometimes I need a break and I need to sit in the tub and cry for hours and I need someone there for me.