Lately I have been having a really hard time coping with my depression. I cry a lot and I spend a lot of time being angry at people for no reason. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering about all of the decisions I’ve made recently and wondering if they were right or can be made right.
What I do know right now is that I give myself the chance to actually feel thing when I am with Warren and I can tell him when I’m angry and when I’m hurt and when I just want to revert back to my old ways. He doesn’t always understand, and no one ever will, but he is better than most.
I know that Melanie can always make me feel loved when I am hard to love and she will listen.
I know that J gets it.
I know that Carrie loves me even though I don’t believe it half the time.
I know that I’m depressed and while its not always an excuse, it’s good to know whats going on with me.
I know that i will be okay and get through it because by some miracle, I’ve conquered this beast before.
ahh, finally something that’s not negative or accusatory…
Dear my lovely friends,
A resounding “Thank You” to every single one of you. As a friend of mine, you know that I come and I go. Whether it be losing touch with one of you for a while after a while or going to therapy regularly or even just keeping up with my text messages, you all know that Im shitty. And somehow, you all don’t give up on me.
I hope you know that I cherish every single one of those whom I call friend. You keep me on my toes and everyone has a special place in my heart.
Special thanks to Jordyn and Melanie for always being honest, to Carrie for always being my number one fan. To Catie for keeping me sane. To both Carolines for being so passionate. To Jacque for never leaving me. To Nathan for truly being the most forgiving soul. To Cody and Joel, for being my friends even if we only see each other a handful of times throughout a year. To Warren, for pushing me to pursue the Lord in every circumstance. And to the many many many more that I call “friend” for just being such a pleasure to know.
“An honest Christian life is messy. There’s you in all your sin, and problems, and not okay-ness, and Jesus is working in you, taking over more and more areas of your life. It is a process, and it can be slow, but accepting this works a whole lot better than just trying to hold your breath and act like you’ve got it all together.”—
This is exactly my heart and what I mean by being authentic.
“You’re exhausted in the faith because you’re looking at you. The more you look at yourself and the less you look at God, the more you get frustrated at yourself.”—Matt Chandler (via made-alive-in-christ)